Already feeling the history come back around and kick me I’m the face with it’s old ways. Great…they really are all the same. Sweet.
So I spent most the night after class eating Mac and Cheese, and drinking rum and coke thinking about how alone I have been feeling since I cut myself off from my ex. I know he is not a good person, no matter how hard he tries to fool people into thinking he is, and to avoid contact with him at all costs is the best thing for me right now. But I miss having someone to talk to whenever I wanted, and someone who I could hang out with in silence. Makes me feel slightly pathetic that I can’t enjoy silence by myself, but hopefully soon this longing for someone with fade away since I’m not attempting to jump into another relationship. Hopefully real soon, so I may go on with my life and forget about men in general. As far as I’m concerned men in general are life sucking assholes and I don’t want to have my mind changed any time soon.
When I like people immensely, I never tell their names to any one. It is like surrendering a part of them. I have grown to love secrecy. It seems to be the one thing that can make modern life mysterious or marvelous to us. The commonest thing is delightful if one only hides it.
“
| — |
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (via mindtricks-)
New life motto |
FML x10
A small relapse that I wasn’t too concerned about till you opened your mouth and made it 10x worse my speaking. Things would have been fine if not for your innate need to make me feel unimportant and insignificant. Mission accomplished you asinine bastard. Now I feel worse about myself as a person and a woman than I did before I…we…it…happened. I hope you’re able to live with what you’ve done because I can hardly live with myself. If there is one good thing that has come out if this escapade its that I bow believe every despicable, horrifyingly terrible thing I have ever heard spoken of you and have thought myself after any of the multiple times you’ve torn my heart out if my chest. And the thing that makes this worse than before is now I have cut myself off from our beautiful dog who has become my only happiness because you’re the only one with the living space for him. Now you have truly taken my happiness you bastard and I hope that you burn in your self made hell of loneliness and emotional detachment.
Why don’t things ever work out like they’re supposed to? And why don’t people treat others with respect and dignity? Fuck the world and its so called destiny shit. We make our own decisions and create our own lives, no one else does it for us. So don’t blame a shitty past or a bad ex girlfriend for your inability to commit or love. It’s how you dealt with your past that made you the way you are.
